What strength of swing, what depth of cut—
So deep, not a hundred years shall heal;
What skill, old foe, what dearth of ruth—
So rare, not a nerve you lay revealed.
No song in your praise the minstrels sung—
No warning to prepare for your blade;
Ere I turned and saw the silver glint
As sword slit flesh, and blood hit glade.
But yet I could well have persisted
Had you not dealt me the cruelest blow;
Had but just wounds of body inflicted
And watched the warm blood froth and flow.
Instead you chose not to slay but stay,
Let recover and rip apart evermore;
Enough to hurt, but too little to die,
Till my soul the risk of perdition bore.
Achilles couldn’t match your matchless flair,
Odysseus not the cunning of your ways;
Elves were wise, but you, my lord,
Are beyond the reckoning of my days.
And thus in hell I live on earth.
Test Page
15 years ago
5 comments:
distinctly over-written..
criticism accepted... but will you please point out where I could have cut things short? If u think there is a dilution of the central theme, I strongly disagree.. I could point out why each stanza belongs.. and if you feel the lines are over-stretched, pray suggest some improvements that go with the style of the poem.
well, there is no dilution of central theme.. what i meant ws the whole notion looked a tad far-fetched or half-baked.. the allusions to achilles,odysesseus just showed that u knew abt greek mythology n nothin' more( atleast to me.. this could well be a concoction of an idle mind.. ) ...as for d usage of words that go with the style, u kno it better than me..
okay.. well, the whole poem is written from Helen of Troy's point of view.. She caused the Trojan war, and yet lived to endure its bloody end.. call this her monologue to fate that is stronger than all men, or call it the story of everyone's life - its always harder when your grief prolongs due to your own failings, and you don't even get the respite of death.
And here's one suggestion (which helps me find some of my worst poems bearable), read slow and don't expect anything good :)
both of u stop overacting...
n i like the poem btw
Post a Comment